The day this diagnosis was delivered I had been through yet another battery of tests. The difference this time was that they did even more and discovered I had a certain gene which you have to carry in order to have this diagnosis and then some other factors lined up to arrive at this conclusion. I listened as always and left a skeptic, along with six prescriptions in my hand.
I went the pharmacist and filled my prescriptions, and I pondered my journey up to this point. Over the course of the past 15 years, I have gone blind four times ... not in both eyes but always in either the right or the left. In order to regain my eye sight, I would have to take massive doses of prednisone orally and topical. I would bloat up like a balloon and feel horrible not only on the inside, but the outside as well.
I can remember the first time my eyesight was lost and my body became a foreigner to me. I was working daily as I had to as a single parent, but my clothes became impossible for me to wear. I can remember sitting on my sofa and just crying at the hopelessness I felt. But, as always, God provided. I had not long met a new friend online from the State of Washington and she sent me clothes she had outgrown that fit me perfectly. Though I was still bloated and felt horrible about my outward appearance, it helped me to be uplifted and able to push through.
As I took all of these medicines daily, I thought of my mom. At the age of 47 she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, which over the years caused many other issues and health problems. I would watch her and my dad daily take so many medicines. They had a cigar box filled with them. Prednizone was my mom's drug of choice. It had to be as it was the only relief she could find from continual constant and daily pain. Depending on what she had to do on that given day would determine how large a dose she would take. It was sad to watch, and the side effects are what eventually killed her.
Knowing all of this, I would take my six prescriptions daily and hate it. I would wonder how many years of my life I would lose by the side effects and ponder what I was really doing with my body. One day, about a month into this journey, I simply let them go ... my prescriptions that is! I felt this burning on the inside of me and I knew right then and there that I would rather live in pain then to poison my body as I was. I threw all my medicines away.
No I know that many of you are shocked and would probably say I deserve the pain I suffer daily now, but that is fine. It was my choice and one I have lived with daily. Now, however, it is becoming more difficult to stand by that decision as my pain and ability to do as I desire are getting less and less.
I am up to 3600 mg of Advil daily and that is only to maintain the pain so I can function daily. I do not remember when was the last time I was actually pain free for a day ...
I will have to resume this tomorrow as I have to get ready for work, but stay tuned! You do not want to miss the journey I am about to embark on. It could be a lifesaver for me and many others as well.
Have a truly blessed day!