It is 3:44 a.m. and I have been unable to sleep due to a dream. I sit here and struggle with whether or not I will allow this fear to grow or will I commence to shutting it down ... right this moment once and for all! I wish it were that simple, but it has become a daily battle which I am winning but only with a very minimal distance. Fear is constantly on my heel daily.
Last night - this morning - fear has been so close to passing me. Facing it head on by writing this article will again put me in the lead but I know it will be a battle which will be raging for sometime, with me having to cast it down daily - every second of every minute of every day. Please keep me in prayer as I fight this battle. We as believers are not to be a slave to fear. Romans 8:15 says, "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!". 2 Timothy 1:7 states, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
You might say to yourself that if the Bible states the above, then why am I fearing. Why do I even have fear as a believer? Good questions! As with many battles and desires of the flesh, we have to put forth the power within us to overcome. God has given us what we need to be victorious but we must activate it from within. Every day - every second of my life right now it seems - I am having to continually reach deep within and pull out the strength for which I know God has provided me. Crying out to Him has given me the fortitude to remain in a winning position at this time.
My son is 18 years of age, and he decided it was time to get his driver's license. This is a normal rite of passage for any teenager and for most it comes years earlier. I have allowed him to cross over this bridge at his own pace, and his day of arrival is just around the corner.
As proud and happy as I am for him, the reality of the situation wants to grip my very soul with constant fear that something may happen to him. To make matters even worse, I seem to have to deal with others who are constantly speaking negatively over the situation - statements as "Prepare yourself as all first time drivers have an accident. It is a fact!"; "It is dangerous out there for anyone these days!"; "You need to put him in a safe vehicle so when he wrecks he will be protected." Let me state, however, that I am very much aware that each and everyone who has offered up advice to me has meant nothing but good. They are not intentionally trying to make my fears worse. They do not even know I have this fear! You ... as a parent ... can appreciate how these statements would put any mother in a state of fear even if she was not fearful to begin with. Take those statements and add them to my already state of fear and ... well I think you get the picture! Negative comments are not what I need to hear right now. It is taking everything within me to keep it together. Ok, I have to pause again as my emotions are getting the best of me.
This fear, at times, is so overwhelming I feel ill to my stomach. It truly is a constant spiritual battle. Last night proved no differently.
Give me a minute as I try to compose myself enough to write this. Just thinking about it is more than I can handle but here it goes. I was sitting in a funeral home - or maybe a church - I could not tell. I seemed to be the only one there, but I had no doubt as to why I was there. I had lost my son. The shocking part of the dream was when they rolled in a small coffin and I realized my son never made it to driving age. He had been taken away from me many years earlier.
As they were positioning the coffin, they tipped it over. When they did, all these pictures of my precious son were exposed and I simply lost it. That is it ... dream over! I woke and I have not been able to let it go. I cannot say I woke in a sweat or crying because I did not. I think I have been battling this for so long now that I am actually further ahead of it than I am aware of. I just opened my eyes with this overwhelming peace. I praise my Savior for this as it comes from above, but if I take my thoughts off Him for one second, then I will lose this battle all over again. It is like Peter walking on the water. He was successful as long as he kept his eyes on Him, but the second his attention was diverted, he lost the battle.
My fear originates from a bad car accident many, many years ago. My family and anyone who knows me well will tell you I simply do not do well when others are driving. I am much better at this today because of my walk with Christ but I cannot say I am walking in total victory. For all this time, I have allowed fear to grip my heart continually. Today I do not relinquish my emotions so easily to satan as in the past, but he does not let go so easily. (Note: I realize that it is not grammatically correct to not capitalize the name 'satan'; however, to me it gives him some sort of position of authority to which he has none. I refuse to give him credit where credit is not due!!)
I have not allowed myself to drive with my son during this time in his life. What should be a happy time of sharing with him ... putting his mind at ease knowing there was trepidation within him from the beginning - I have given in to my fears instead of casting them. I struggle in the physical realm as well as the spiritual. Believe me, it is a war you do not want to wage. This is nothing new for me as I could not do the same for my daughter when she was at this crossroads in her life.
What I neglected to admit or face head on is that my fear was being transferred to my son. He could sense my feelings, and I am afraid I have given him the same. This realization is what is driving me more than anything to overcome and be victorious. We need not be afraid if God is our helper. Hebrews 13:5-6 says, "God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Deut. 31:6) "So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my Helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?'" (Ps. 118-6-7).
I have been walking with the Lord long enough to know He is my light and I need not fear. Knowing this is what keeps my head above water and stops me from drowning in this fear. Psalm 27:1, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Yesterday on the way home from work, as I contemplated taking my son again to his behind-the-wheel lesson, I played all these things over in my head. I decided enough was enough! It was time I commenced using the tools God has given me. I allowed His resources to sit idle way too long. I made up my mind when I got home I would allow my son to drive me to his lesson. I prayed the rest of the way home for God to give me His rest ... to pour His peace within me ... to trust Him for protection.
My son's look of shock when I handed him the keys was priceless. At first, he did not want to relinquish and allow mom to have her way. I know he was trying to protect me, thinking I was only doing this for him. As much as it was for his benefit, it was for mine also. Praise God, we drove the 20 minute drive and I can honestly say my heart was at rest. There was no turmoil within and I know it allowed my son to relax and enjoy the journey as well. He did excellent and I was so proud of both of us.
This is not to say I am totally victorious but for now I have been. Satan will not relent this easily, but I am now prepared to rebuke him in the name of my Jesus, knowing the power that lies within the name of Jesus. He has given me the strength and privilege of being able to put satan under my feet. This is where he is as I write this, and I will continually put him there as he tries to slither out.
I have chosen - yes chosen - to be a winner in this area of my life. It is a daily battle for me right now, but I know eventually - one day I will wake and know it is no longer a battle because I have won once and for all. My trust in God casts out fear. Psalm 56:3-4, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:10-11, "In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
I know simply saying these words does nothing. I have to believe them with all of my heart and soul. I do believe them so I can not only claim them as my own but they will make me a winner. Allow Him to be your strength today to cast out fears in your life. His perfect love will drive out all fear. 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."
I have to chuckle though because God is so awesome. As if to pat me on the back because He knew it was time for my dose of confidence, He put someone in my path who gave me positive feedback which lifted me. Maybe her words are what started me on the right path yesterday ... who knows - He knows! As we discussing my son and the driving situation, she said to me, "Your son seems so level headed and mature. I am sure he will do well. He doe not seem like the type of child to be reckless or careless. He will do fine!" She does not realize the power of her words or what they meant to me.
Again, as if to remind me of His strength, my favorite spiritual song just played on the radio. Focus on these words as He truly is our strength in times of weakness.
"Eye Of The Storm"
(feat. GabeReal)
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
And in the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm
When the solid ground is falling out from underneath my feet
Between the black skies, and my red eyes, I can barely see
When I realize I've been sold out by my friends and my family
I can feel the rain reminding me
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm
Mmm, when my hopes and dreams are far from me, and I'm runnin' out of faith
I see the future I picture slowly fade away
And when the tears of pain and heartache are falling down my face
I find my peace in Jesus' name
In the eye of the storm (yeah, yeah)
You remain in control (yes you do, Lord)
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me (Your love surrounds me)
In the eye of the storm (in the eye of the storm)
When the test comes in and the doctor says I've only got a few months left
It's like a bitter pill I'm swallowing; I can barely take a breath
And when addiction steals my baby girl, and there's nothing I can do
My only hope is to trust You
I trust You, Lord
In the eye of the storm (yeah, yeah) You remain in control
In the middle of the war (middle of the war), You guard my soul (yeah!)
You alone are the anchor (ooh), when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me (yeah!)
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control (yes you do, Lord)
In the middle of the war (in the middle of the war), You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor (ooh), when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm, oooh
Oh, in the eye of, oh, in the eye of the storm
I know You're watching me, yea, ay
When the storm is raging (when the storm is raging)
And my hope is gone (and my hope is gone, Lord)
When my flesh is failing, You're still holding on, oh whoa
When the storm is raging (the storm is raging)
And my hope is gone (and all my hope is gone)
When my flesh is failing (my flesh is failing)
You're still holding on, oooh
When the storm is raging (when the storm is raging)
And my hope is gone (and my hope is gone)
Even when my flesh is failing (flesh is failing)
You're still holding on, holding on
The Lord is my Shepherd
I have all that I need
He lets me rest in green meadows
He leads me beside peaceful streams
He renews my strength
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His Name
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid
For You are close beside me
God bless and have a great day! I will!
Last night - this morning - fear has been so close to passing me. Facing it head on by writing this article will again put me in the lead but I know it will be a battle which will be raging for sometime, with me having to cast it down daily - every second of every minute of every day. Please keep me in prayer as I fight this battle. We as believers are not to be a slave to fear. Romans 8:15 says, "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!". 2 Timothy 1:7 states, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
You might say to yourself that if the Bible states the above, then why am I fearing. Why do I even have fear as a believer? Good questions! As with many battles and desires of the flesh, we have to put forth the power within us to overcome. God has given us what we need to be victorious but we must activate it from within. Every day - every second of my life right now it seems - I am having to continually reach deep within and pull out the strength for which I know God has provided me. Crying out to Him has given me the fortitude to remain in a winning position at this time.
My son is 18 years of age, and he decided it was time to get his driver's license. This is a normal rite of passage for any teenager and for most it comes years earlier. I have allowed him to cross over this bridge at his own pace, and his day of arrival is just around the corner.
As proud and happy as I am for him, the reality of the situation wants to grip my very soul with constant fear that something may happen to him. To make matters even worse, I seem to have to deal with others who are constantly speaking negatively over the situation - statements as "Prepare yourself as all first time drivers have an accident. It is a fact!"; "It is dangerous out there for anyone these days!"; "You need to put him in a safe vehicle so when he wrecks he will be protected." Let me state, however, that I am very much aware that each and everyone who has offered up advice to me has meant nothing but good. They are not intentionally trying to make my fears worse. They do not even know I have this fear! You ... as a parent ... can appreciate how these statements would put any mother in a state of fear even if she was not fearful to begin with. Take those statements and add them to my already state of fear and ... well I think you get the picture! Negative comments are not what I need to hear right now. It is taking everything within me to keep it together. Ok, I have to pause again as my emotions are getting the best of me.
This fear, at times, is so overwhelming I feel ill to my stomach. It truly is a constant spiritual battle. Last night proved no differently.
Give me a minute as I try to compose myself enough to write this. Just thinking about it is more than I can handle but here it goes. I was sitting in a funeral home - or maybe a church - I could not tell. I seemed to be the only one there, but I had no doubt as to why I was there. I had lost my son. The shocking part of the dream was when they rolled in a small coffin and I realized my son never made it to driving age. He had been taken away from me many years earlier.
As they were positioning the coffin, they tipped it over. When they did, all these pictures of my precious son were exposed and I simply lost it. That is it ... dream over! I woke and I have not been able to let it go. I cannot say I woke in a sweat or crying because I did not. I think I have been battling this for so long now that I am actually further ahead of it than I am aware of. I just opened my eyes with this overwhelming peace. I praise my Savior for this as it comes from above, but if I take my thoughts off Him for one second, then I will lose this battle all over again. It is like Peter walking on the water. He was successful as long as he kept his eyes on Him, but the second his attention was diverted, he lost the battle.
My fear originates from a bad car accident many, many years ago. My family and anyone who knows me well will tell you I simply do not do well when others are driving. I am much better at this today because of my walk with Christ but I cannot say I am walking in total victory. For all this time, I have allowed fear to grip my heart continually. Today I do not relinquish my emotions so easily to satan as in the past, but he does not let go so easily. (Note: I realize that it is not grammatically correct to not capitalize the name 'satan'; however, to me it gives him some sort of position of authority to which he has none. I refuse to give him credit where credit is not due!!)
I have not allowed myself to drive with my son during this time in his life. What should be a happy time of sharing with him ... putting his mind at ease knowing there was trepidation within him from the beginning - I have given in to my fears instead of casting them. I struggle in the physical realm as well as the spiritual. Believe me, it is a war you do not want to wage. This is nothing new for me as I could not do the same for my daughter when she was at this crossroads in her life.
What I neglected to admit or face head on is that my fear was being transferred to my son. He could sense my feelings, and I am afraid I have given him the same. This realization is what is driving me more than anything to overcome and be victorious. We need not be afraid if God is our helper. Hebrews 13:5-6 says, "God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Deut. 31:6) "So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my Helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?'" (Ps. 118-6-7).
I have been walking with the Lord long enough to know He is my light and I need not fear. Knowing this is what keeps my head above water and stops me from drowning in this fear. Psalm 27:1, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Yesterday on the way home from work, as I contemplated taking my son again to his behind-the-wheel lesson, I played all these things over in my head. I decided enough was enough! It was time I commenced using the tools God has given me. I allowed His resources to sit idle way too long. I made up my mind when I got home I would allow my son to drive me to his lesson. I prayed the rest of the way home for God to give me His rest ... to pour His peace within me ... to trust Him for protection.
My son's look of shock when I handed him the keys was priceless. At first, he did not want to relinquish and allow mom to have her way. I know he was trying to protect me, thinking I was only doing this for him. As much as it was for his benefit, it was for mine also. Praise God, we drove the 20 minute drive and I can honestly say my heart was at rest. There was no turmoil within and I know it allowed my son to relax and enjoy the journey as well. He did excellent and I was so proud of both of us.
This is not to say I am totally victorious but for now I have been. Satan will not relent this easily, but I am now prepared to rebuke him in the name of my Jesus, knowing the power that lies within the name of Jesus. He has given me the strength and privilege of being able to put satan under my feet. This is where he is as I write this, and I will continually put him there as he tries to slither out.
I have chosen - yes chosen - to be a winner in this area of my life. It is a daily battle for me right now, but I know eventually - one day I will wake and know it is no longer a battle because I have won once and for all. My trust in God casts out fear. Psalm 56:3-4, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:10-11, "In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
I know simply saying these words does nothing. I have to believe them with all of my heart and soul. I do believe them so I can not only claim them as my own but they will make me a winner. Allow Him to be your strength today to cast out fears in your life. His perfect love will drive out all fear. 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."
I have to chuckle though because God is so awesome. As if to pat me on the back because He knew it was time for my dose of confidence, He put someone in my path who gave me positive feedback which lifted me. Maybe her words are what started me on the right path yesterday ... who knows - He knows! As we discussing my son and the driving situation, she said to me, "Your son seems so level headed and mature. I am sure he will do well. He doe not seem like the type of child to be reckless or careless. He will do fine!" She does not realize the power of her words or what they meant to me.
Again, as if to remind me of His strength, my favorite spiritual song just played on the radio. Focus on these words as He truly is our strength in times of weakness.
"Eye Of The Storm"
(feat. GabeReal)
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
And in the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm
When the solid ground is falling out from underneath my feet
Between the black skies, and my red eyes, I can barely see
When I realize I've been sold out by my friends and my family
I can feel the rain reminding me
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm
Mmm, when my hopes and dreams are far from me, and I'm runnin' out of faith
I see the future I picture slowly fade away
And when the tears of pain and heartache are falling down my face
I find my peace in Jesus' name
In the eye of the storm (yeah, yeah)
You remain in control (yes you do, Lord)
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me (Your love surrounds me)
In the eye of the storm (in the eye of the storm)
When the test comes in and the doctor says I've only got a few months left
It's like a bitter pill I'm swallowing; I can barely take a breath
And when addiction steals my baby girl, and there's nothing I can do
My only hope is to trust You
I trust You, Lord
In the eye of the storm (yeah, yeah) You remain in control
In the middle of the war (middle of the war), You guard my soul (yeah!)
You alone are the anchor (ooh), when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me (yeah!)
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control (yes you do, Lord)
In the middle of the war (in the middle of the war), You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor (ooh), when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm, oooh
Oh, in the eye of, oh, in the eye of the storm
I know You're watching me, yea, ay
When the storm is raging (when the storm is raging)
And my hope is gone (and my hope is gone, Lord)
When my flesh is failing, You're still holding on, oh whoa
When the storm is raging (the storm is raging)
And my hope is gone (and all my hope is gone)
When my flesh is failing (my flesh is failing)
You're still holding on, oooh
When the storm is raging (when the storm is raging)
And my hope is gone (and my hope is gone)
Even when my flesh is failing (flesh is failing)
You're still holding on, holding on
The Lord is my Shepherd
I have all that I need
He lets me rest in green meadows
He leads me beside peaceful streams
He renews my strength
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His Name
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid
For You are close beside me
God bless and have a great day! I will!
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