Over the years, my desire to write has intensified to the point of writing a book. Do not let me lose you here ... I know you have heard so much about ‘this book’ that you are tired of hearing about it. I get that! I had long hoped it would have been published by now and my second ... third ... book would be coming out. You are disappointed!? How do you think I feel? I have cried many a tear over it. I have lost sleep at thinking how others must have lost faith in me by now. I have been sick to the point of it being physical. After all of this, I have just come to the realization that there are more factors in play with the release of my book then I want to admit. First off, it is not ready. Plain and simple! It is not written the way God desires it to be. What good is a testimony ... the sharing of a tragic event in your life ... if it is not written correctly ... if it does not glorify Christ the way it should for bringing you through ... if it hurts others? God’s timing is His timing. The sooner you realize this, the less hurt, disappointment, and depth you have to fall. It will happen!! I know it will. I just need to quit fixating over it and allow Him to work.
Getting back to the writing part of my life ... it has dried up. I cannot remember the last time I had a brain storm for an article. I cannot remember the last time I felt this driving force within to write. I cannot remember when I sensed He was prodding me towards the typewriter because He wanted me to share something.
You ask, why? I am almost too embarrassed to share this. After being a Christian for over 16 years, I know this lesson like the back of my hand. I have been at this exact point repeatedly. Every time I arrive here and look back to see what it is all about, I promise myself never again! Then I find myself here all over ... feeling lost, without hope, and beating myself up. I ask myself repeatedly, “Why do you do this? Why do you keep going around the same mountain and expect different outcomes? Why do you think everything else can come first in life? How many times will you do this before you get it ... I mean REALLY GET IT?” I have not been seeking Him as I should be. I have not been in the Word as I need to be. Why, you ask? I have been on ‘life overload’. I have put Him on a back burner while I work and tend to my life. Between work, my son, soccer, home life, and on and on, I have placed Him on hold. Sure, I think of Him daily. He is the first thing I think of in the morning! I speak to Him in my head throughout the day. I listen to His music. Why then do I feel as if I have left Him out? You say to yourself, “Gosh, how much more of Him do you need?” My friend, I need much more!!!!
I need to start my day in my prayer closet speaking with Him verbally and sitting in silence so He can speak with me. I need to read His word daily so He can communicate with me. I need to be in quiet prayer time sharing with Him on my behalf and for the lives/events of others. I need HIM to be inspired.
Let’s look at this from a different perspective. Christ feeds my inner self. He inspires me. He guides my life and leads me through both tough and good times. Everything I have in my life that blesses me comes from Him. He is water for my soul. Could you live without water? No! You could go for a few days without feeling the effects, but then it would hit you. The longer you deprived yourself of water, the more damage it would do. Eventually you would end up in the hospital.
It is the same when you have allowed a void to come within because you have separated yourself from Christ. I realize He was and is a part of my daily life, but it is not enough. You can eat all the food you want, but if you do not drink water, you dry up inside. I was spiritually eating daily, but I was not getting that good water ... John 7:38 says, “He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” This verse means we will become spiritual refreshment for others. Without water in your physical life and without water in your spiritual life, our lives dry up. This is where I have once again found myself.
I am managing. I work every day. I do my family stuff. I go through the motions. However, having walked with God for as long as I have ... knowing how much He has inspired me over the years ... seeing where He has brought me from and where He has led me ... knowing what He has done in and through me ... I know what I am lacking today. It is the hunger from within which you cannot quelch with elements of life. Only He can fill this void. And, my friend, when He does ... WOW! It is a refreshing unlike any other.
I want to write. I want to fellowship with Him one-on-one each day. Not just in my head or through the things I listen to. I want to chat with Him ... I want to unload my deepest hurts, concerns, and cares ... I want to bring to Him my prayers for others ... I want to just thank Him for all He does in and through me ... I want to praise His holy name and enter His presence with thanksgiving in my heart! I do not want to miss one single minute of time that should have been spent with Him. Bottom line ... I am nothing without Him! Apart from Him, I can do nothing! Please join us today. Find your prayer closet and go spend time with the One who gives you your daily breathe. Your prayer closet does not need to be fancy ... mine is literally my closet. I simply enter it, close the door, and sit on the floor. It is quiet ... it is private ... it is my prayer closet. It does not matter where you meet Him, but only that you do meet Him. I think just acknowledging this has inspired me. This is more than I have written in quite some time ... praise God!
I have to end here and get ready for church. Today is a new day and I cannot undo yesterday. I look ahead with hope knowing my faith is wholly in Him. What about you?