Last night as I was luxuriating in a hot bath and reading an article by one of my favorite pastors, it opened up a memory I cannot believe I ever forgot. But, as with most people, God does something truly remarkable for us … years pass … we find ourselves struggling again, and in the meantime, we erase what He miraculously has already done.
This articled shared how this Pastor was at a church as a guest and he was on fire for Christ. The congregation, however, were not feeling the Holy Spirit at all. It was a non-denominational church with little presence of the Spirit. The Pastor was on fire and going at it when he turned towards the choir and there in the midst were angels stationed throughout the choir. He was absolutely in awe, and then he turned around to share hoping to inspire the congregation. Sitting at the very back of the church were two more angels. Needless to say, it was only moments later that the angels traveled throughout the congregation and brought everyone to life.
As I was reading this, in my mind, I was saying, “God, if only I could witness something as spectacular”. No sooner had the words traveled through my mind when a flash back from my early years as a Christian returned to me. I am sure it was God saying, “My gosh, don’t you remember the day I spoke to you”. That is right … I heard the audible voice of the Lord. You would think I would never ever forget that, but it is what we do. We are always asking for more signs from God to confirm this or that when in reality He has given us more signs than we ever deserved in light of His history here on earth. We have a whole Bible of signs and memorials that should suffice.
I had probably been a Christian for maybe a year, if that long. I was still struggling with a lot in my life, but God was leading me and guiding me daily. I wish I could tell you that when I gave my heart to Christ it was an instant conversion but it was not. It was a daily growth … sometimes a minute by minute growth. I still struggled with understanding it all, but I just knew that what I had left behind was not worth returning to. I had a long way to go in my relationship with Christ!
On this particular day something tragic happened in my heart and it shook the very core of my young belief system. I had been praying for a certain situation since day one of my surrender to God, knowing without a doubt that He was working on my behalf. I walked in faith no matter what appeared before me, and I was standing on that solid rock. Well, on this day, my rock shifted and I felt as if my heart would come out of my physical chest. I can remember hitting the floor on all fours and crying out of anger, hurt, disillusionment, bitterness … you name it, and I was feeling it.
I was so devastated that I allowed my anger to get the best of me. A family member was in Richmond on this day and telephoned me just as this was transpiring. I was so upset on the telephone that they wanted to drive from Richmond to where I was. I told them very determinedly and without hesitation, “NO!” Then, they asked could they pray with me. Well, let me tell you something … when they made that request, I could feel the anger seething inside of me, and I can remember answering them with, “Don’t you dare pray for me. God allowed this to happen and I will never pray again.” Then, I hung up. I don’t even know if I said good-bye and, at that point, I did not care if I had or had not.
As the pain of what had occurred seemingly took over my very being, I guess God knew the urgency of the moment and He spoke to me. That is right … He verbally spoke to me. As I share this, I can remember it as if it were yesterday. Picture me on the floor on all fours with my head down. I was crying in loud sobs and heaves … so hard it was difficult to get my breath at times. As I was doing this, I heard His voice. IN THAT INSTANT, I could feel this overwhelming peace physically wrap around my body. It was as if the peace were a warm liquid that started at the very top of my head and continued downwards towards my toes. I slowly lifted my head upwards and said out loud … in a sort of laughing- crying way … “Oh my gosh, now I am losing my mind and hearing things!” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew that I knew that I knew God had spoken to me. My tears turned to laughter, and I simply got off the floor and said, “Thank you, God.”
I cleaned my face, called a certain individual that was involved in this situation, and extended kind words that I truly meant from my heart. Needless to say, the individual on the other end of the line was speechless and had not an inkling how I could be this compassionate in light of what they had done to me. They meant to hurt me, and they did for about 10 minutes. Then, God took that hurt and turned it around for His glory. I hung up the telephone and put it behind me, where it has remained to this day. Now, if that isn’t a sign from God, I don’t know what is. It was such a HUGE sign that I can’t believe I ever forgot or that I have had the nerve over the years to ask for more signs.
What ungrateful people we are. God has done so much to prove Himself to us and yet we keep on questioning … we keep on asking for proof … we keep on doubting. He is faithful and never goes back on His promises to us. Why He has not turned His back is the true mystery … not whether He exists or not. He loves us so much and unconditionally … where else can you find that kind of love? Short of His presence in your life, there is no other human being that can offer you the type of love that God guarantees you. It is faithful, unending, and forever! Give your heart to Him today! You will never look back, and He will never let you go.
This articled shared how this Pastor was at a church as a guest and he was on fire for Christ. The congregation, however, were not feeling the Holy Spirit at all. It was a non-denominational church with little presence of the Spirit. The Pastor was on fire and going at it when he turned towards the choir and there in the midst were angels stationed throughout the choir. He was absolutely in awe, and then he turned around to share hoping to inspire the congregation. Sitting at the very back of the church were two more angels. Needless to say, it was only moments later that the angels traveled throughout the congregation and brought everyone to life.
As I was reading this, in my mind, I was saying, “God, if only I could witness something as spectacular”. No sooner had the words traveled through my mind when a flash back from my early years as a Christian returned to me. I am sure it was God saying, “My gosh, don’t you remember the day I spoke to you”. That is right … I heard the audible voice of the Lord. You would think I would never ever forget that, but it is what we do. We are always asking for more signs from God to confirm this or that when in reality He has given us more signs than we ever deserved in light of His history here on earth. We have a whole Bible of signs and memorials that should suffice.
I had probably been a Christian for maybe a year, if that long. I was still struggling with a lot in my life, but God was leading me and guiding me daily. I wish I could tell you that when I gave my heart to Christ it was an instant conversion but it was not. It was a daily growth … sometimes a minute by minute growth. I still struggled with understanding it all, but I just knew that what I had left behind was not worth returning to. I had a long way to go in my relationship with Christ!
On this particular day something tragic happened in my heart and it shook the very core of my young belief system. I had been praying for a certain situation since day one of my surrender to God, knowing without a doubt that He was working on my behalf. I walked in faith no matter what appeared before me, and I was standing on that solid rock. Well, on this day, my rock shifted and I felt as if my heart would come out of my physical chest. I can remember hitting the floor on all fours and crying out of anger, hurt, disillusionment, bitterness … you name it, and I was feeling it.
I was so devastated that I allowed my anger to get the best of me. A family member was in Richmond on this day and telephoned me just as this was transpiring. I was so upset on the telephone that they wanted to drive from Richmond to where I was. I told them very determinedly and without hesitation, “NO!” Then, they asked could they pray with me. Well, let me tell you something … when they made that request, I could feel the anger seething inside of me, and I can remember answering them with, “Don’t you dare pray for me. God allowed this to happen and I will never pray again.” Then, I hung up. I don’t even know if I said good-bye and, at that point, I did not care if I had or had not.
As the pain of what had occurred seemingly took over my very being, I guess God knew the urgency of the moment and He spoke to me. That is right … He verbally spoke to me. As I share this, I can remember it as if it were yesterday. Picture me on the floor on all fours with my head down. I was crying in loud sobs and heaves … so hard it was difficult to get my breath at times. As I was doing this, I heard His voice. IN THAT INSTANT, I could feel this overwhelming peace physically wrap around my body. It was as if the peace were a warm liquid that started at the very top of my head and continued downwards towards my toes. I slowly lifted my head upwards and said out loud … in a sort of laughing- crying way … “Oh my gosh, now I am losing my mind and hearing things!” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew that I knew that I knew God had spoken to me. My tears turned to laughter, and I simply got off the floor and said, “Thank you, God.”
I cleaned my face, called a certain individual that was involved in this situation, and extended kind words that I truly meant from my heart. Needless to say, the individual on the other end of the line was speechless and had not an inkling how I could be this compassionate in light of what they had done to me. They meant to hurt me, and they did for about 10 minutes. Then, God took that hurt and turned it around for His glory. I hung up the telephone and put it behind me, where it has remained to this day. Now, if that isn’t a sign from God, I don’t know what is. It was such a HUGE sign that I can’t believe I ever forgot or that I have had the nerve over the years to ask for more signs.
What ungrateful people we are. God has done so much to prove Himself to us and yet we keep on questioning … we keep on asking for proof … we keep on doubting. He is faithful and never goes back on His promises to us. Why He has not turned His back is the true mystery … not whether He exists or not. He loves us so much and unconditionally … where else can you find that kind of love? Short of His presence in your life, there is no other human being that can offer you the type of love that God guarantees you. It is faithful, unending, and forever! Give your heart to Him today! You will never look back, and He will never let you go.
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